"Transmission of energy through quantum communication"

1. According to the ontological Heisenberg uncertainty principle of quantum pataphysics, and its liminary expressed in the experiments of patAspect, it has been proven that when two quantum patarticles spiraspinning together are separated and send in two different directions, when measuring the spiraspin of the first, instantaneously the spiraspin of the other patarticle becomes known. Ergo, information can be transmitted over any distance faster than the speed of light.
2. The latest progress in nanotechnology gives us a glimpse of the future quantum computers.
3. It is said that energy cannot be transmitted through information. I consider this an exception to the rule. Indeed, every information might or might not provoke an outburst of energy in the reciever. Just think of the amount of heat a mobile provides in the winter when the call lasts long enough. Two mobiles might provide an excellent system of earprotectors in the winter. What's more, the spontaneous outburst of cancer cells as the result of energy accumulation in the brain proves my point even further.
4. But the main idea in transmitting energy for me lies in the message. Let's suppose I call my cousin across the globe and tell him his wife is cheating on him, and let's suppose he's stupid enough to believe me, this little experiment might produce a chain of events ending in him strangling his wife, sodomizing his dog and putting fire to the neighborhood. Now that's what I call LOTS of energy, transmitted through the message. As Marsmallow McLogan said: 'the message IS the medium'.
5. Conclusion: we can imagine a quantum computer code existing solely of twin patarticles, separated at birth, send over light speed (they might be photons) to another part of the galaxy. The code conveys a message. The message says to the inhabitants of Zeta Reticuli that their Oooomph is cheating on them. They react by exploding (inhabitants of Zeta Reticuli tend to be easily offended when it concerns their Oooomphs). The chain reaction ends in a beautiful supernova, which our grandchildren's grandchildren will enjoy, hereby proving
   1. that energy is transmissible without a macroscopic carrier over any distance whatsoever;
   2. that this can happen instantaneously, hereby proving beyond any doubt that Einstein was full of shit;
   3. that you don't want to mess with the inhabitants of Zeta Reticuli.

Vertaald naar het Angelsaksisch door Cheshire Pimpleperv, Apostolische Exarch ism Dr. De Selby, patacessor, voor de Landaard der Patadigma's